So, anyone who is mildly active on Xanga is likely to have seen the featured weblog titled "What's wrong with being racist?" by cotton_candy_confetti (here) and the response to that, titled "What's Wrong With Hating Racists?" by FuriousRabbit (here).

And before I add my response, I feel compelled to welcome those who want to flame me, but I am not going to get involved in the debate about whether it's okay or not to be racist.

Firstly, both posts have their merits, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not trying to say anyone is right or wrong. And I am aware that my comment to the latter post says that I didn't read his post, but since making that comment, I have read it, which is why I was prompted to make this post.

Moving on, something that really bugs me is when a person makes a post, and doesn't check their argument for weaknesses.

In FuriousRabbit's blog, he wrote:

The keyword there was "think". A person thinking something does not necessarily mean that it's correct. I could easily think I can fly, but at the end of the day, if I jump off the roof, I'll be in a body bag within the hour.
It may be "downright disgusting", but nonetheless, she is entitled to feel that way IF she really does. However, through her choice of language, it is evident that she doesn't feel that way, but said it as an example.

Also, there is no faulty logic in saying that she likes Mexican food, yet hasn't met a Mexican person. Mexican food outlets are readily available, from places where, shockingly, a Mexican person doesn't work. Hell, with a recipe, even I could cook Mexican food.
And people don't usually like things that they know little or nothing about, or haven't experienced it. I'm a computer kid, so I'll use a computer analogy. I have an Apple iPod, and I like it. I've never used an Apple Mac, and I don't like it. I am in my "comfort zone" with Microsoft Windows. Apply that to the Mexican situation. cotton_candy_confetti has tried Mexican food and likes it (iPod). She hasn't tried meeting Mexican people and doesn't like them (Mac's), and she is in her comfort zone with the people that she is surrounded by (Windows).
See?

FuriousRabbit also says:

On a technicality, if it's because she thinks all red heads eat bugs, it's not racist, as hair colour is nothing to do with race. And seeing as there's no official term for "hairism", it would fall under the category of prejudice, even if it is based on something as rediculous as "all red heads eat bugs".

My second biggest annoyance in FuriousRabbit's post is this statement here:


FuriousRabbit kinda misses the point that cotton_candy_confetti was trying to make. The keywords that she chose was "not all". Yes, some prejudices lead to hate crime, but NOT ALL. Here's a prejudice - I don't like Apple Macs; I think they're over-priced and over-hyped. Does that mean I'm going to go around beating up everyone who owns an Apple Mac with a baseball bat? I think you'll find the answer is no. Another analogy based around computers: All PC's are computers, but not all computers are PC's. Assuming that every single hate crime ever commited was rooted in prejudice, it still does not make every prejudice a hate crime.
And slightly off topic - how do you define hate crime? To me, hate crime means a criminal offence commited because the offending person hates something or someone. That, I believe, is a sensible definition. So if a woman catches her husband cheating on her, and out of sheer hatred and anger proceeds to beating her husband and the woman he was cheating with to a pulp with a lamp, is that not a hate crime? Is that not a hate crime commited without prejudice?

FuriousRabbit says:

Her views are not racist. She simply expressed her views about racism, and gave many examples.

FuriousRabbit says:

When based upon personality, such as the example cotton_candy_confetti gave of black men being cocky, I agree with you. But when based on appearance, it is not always perceived, but actual. By that, I refer to the example of Asian people and the term "SquintyEyes".

FuriousRabbit says:


Quite easily actually. I, myself, am partly of Pakistani heritage. And I dislike Pakistani people. I hate the image that they have portrayed to the world of Pakistani people. I find them to be annoying, clingy, and desperate to be British. Yet my own parents are Pakistani, a large number of my friends are Pakistani, and I have family in Pakistan that I don't dislike. It's quite easily possible. If you personally can't distinguish between a group of people as a whole, and the individual people within that group, it doesn't mean that others can't. It does require a certain level of detachment.

FuriousRabbit says:

Firstly, "Everyone is prejudiced" does not equate to "everyone is racist". Those are two separate things.
Secondly, a grammatical error: "you are a racist"...A racist what? Either you didn't finish what you were calling someone, or you actually meant to say "you are racist".
On to my last point in response the above quotation, you go further and contradict yourself.
And you chose to say maybe we are all a "little" prejudiced. I believe you made an entire post about how much you hate racist people...it qualifies for more than a "little".

My biggest annoyance with FuriousRabbit's post is the last sentence.


That, sir, was childish, unnecessary and a grammatical catastrophe.
First, if we remove the adjectives such as "smelly" etc that occur after the word racist, we are left with: "So Ma'am you are a racist racist". A bit redundant, don't you think?
Secondly, "no-teeth-having"? I believe the word for that is "toothless" ;)
Thirdly, what's the point of having both "smelly" and "manure-reeking" in the same sentence? Surely they imply the same thing?
And finally, I don't like to point the finger without offering a helping hand, so here's a more correct way of saying it: "So, ma'am, you are a toothless and ignorant racist who stinks of manure".

And on to my final point, the coup de grâce, so to speak:
FuriousRabbit, your blog post is titled "What's Wrong With Hating Racists?".
I don't need to answer that question, because your own post answer it for me:

FuriousRabbit says:

Thanks for reading, and remember, always think before you post.

-Adzie

Footnote: If anyone wishes to respond, you are more than welcome to, even if it is solely to flame me.

Normally, I put the MP3 at the bottom of the post, but this time, please listen to it:

This is going to be long, and probably so badly organised that if I was feeling alright, I would be ashamed of myself.

Overload. Seriously.
How am I? Fortunately, that's now an easy question. Here's the answer:


Great answer, huh? I'm ignoring how I feel, hoping that ignoring it will lead to numbness. If I'm numb to it, I can keep going. If I can't feel anything, I can't feel pain.

Coding is a great spirit killer. And normally I'd bitch about it, but not right now. I need to kill my spirit to achieve my aim of permanent emotionless-ness.
I've spent the last four days manually coding that website for dad. Writing all new code for a content management system (CMS) - which is the admin back-end for my dad and sister to use to manage the site, plus setting up the SQL database and then the front-end for the normal users. All in a combination of HTML, PHP and MySQL.
I have to admit, it's been a steep learning curve...My first fully functional site using PHP and MySQL.
Wait a second...everything on that site is made by me, 100%. I designed it all, and coded it. Yeah, I used a fractal render in the logo, a freeware font and code snippets from all over the web, but the design is mine. I mutilated the snippets of code to make it work the way I wanted it.
So where's my sense of pride?
That's mock php code. I'll break it down for you normal people.
That introduces the PHP code.
That is a user-defined variable. The stuff that comes after the equal sign can later be called by calling $my_life.
That is the main "function", telling it what it's supposed to do. That function, obviously, isn't real; I've mutated the original "imagecreatefromjpeg". Anyway, it tells the computer, or in this case, me, to make code from caffiene.
These are the parameters for the codecreatefromcaffiene function. $brain is the source of the code, $screen is the destination, and 100 tells it to use maximum quality. Finally, the ?> closes the PHP code.
I don't know, but I think the saddest thing here is that I wrote this whole section in the "Edit HTML" enabled.


Now, that geekiness should have repelled the people who don't really care. If you've read this far, I congratulate you. If you're a friend and you're reading this far, then know that I love you.♥

Moving on, I'm not sleeping tonight. It's currently 04:21 am, and the corner of my left eye is burning, but I refuse to sleep. Why? Because I'm scared.
To sleep, I have to lie down. And when I do that, I think. Thinking hurts. I think "what if?" And I change the world. But things have been happening between me and Angel. If I start thinking "what if?" about that, it's going to hurt so badly. I won't be able to take that.
Last night (Before midnight), she called me, for 10 seconds. She didn't say a word...just cried, and then cut the line. I called back, but she wouldn't answer, and then she switched her phone off. Then later, she called the house number, but mum answered so she hung up. I realised it was her and called her back. She told me not to worry about her, and get some sleep tonight. I said I won't sleep until I know she's alright. She's crying cause of her family, yet again. God, I hate them more than she does. If that's even possible. Especially her father. I respect him cause he's her father, but that's as far as it goes. Her life would be so much better if he wasn't around.
I feel like a prick for saying this, for even thinking it, but I wish that he was either someone else, or dead.

And on the topic of Angel, she still loves me, and I still love her. In her words: "If he knew how I feel about you...this would kill him". Him, being her boyfriend, who is still out of the country. He should be back soon.
I kept calm. I let my mind rule, until she had gone. Then I spilt out everything my heart wanted to say. Except for one question. The one question that is pushing me further into the realm of the dead.


I don't even know why I want to know. It's not like it's going to make things better.

We do this thing, where we argue over who misses each other the most. It's fact that I miss her more, but to make it fun, she denies it. Anyway, she said that she misses me so much that the distance between us kills her.
My honest response to that is this: I'm dead inside. And without my Angel, I always will be. But being near her, being close to her, brings me to life again.

I'm such a fool. I love her to the point that even the person I marry, if it's not her, will be second place to her. Yet I still tell her to go back to him, to not pick me over him. My logic is this: if she chooses me, she loses him. But if she chooses him, I'm still going to be here - she's got nothing to lose.

I want her.
No one else comes close to the way I feel about her.


Love,

-Adzie

So over the last few days, we've had great weather, averaging around 28° C / 82°F. Light night, however, it all came crashing to it's much anticipated end, but by God, it was a beautiful end.
The rain pouring down, lightning illuminating the sky, thunder filling your ears and the smell of the rain was so sweet.
I like storms, evidently, but this was officially the second best storm I've ever experienced in my 16 and a half years.
Have you ever smelt monsoon rain? After weeks and weeks of sensationally hot weather, when the baked soil screams for water, the sky opens it gates. At first, the eager ones push through, just a few of them trickling down to us, and then as the gates are fully opened, every drop of rain dives down onto the soil, the concrete, the bricks, the asphalt and the rooftops, beating down, punishing everything it touches. Have you ever smelt it? Have you ever felt it?

It's the sort of smell that makes me want somebody to love. That smell liberates you, well and truly. You could sit in a veranda, watching nature show off its brute force, and all your problems will disappear. I genuinely sympathise with anyone who hasn't experienced it. It just makes me want to walk barefooted into the middle of a field; with nothing but grass for as far as the eye can see, and hold her in my arms, kiss her on her forehead, and tell her I love her. And then drown. No, not in rain, but in her beautiful brown eyes.
As the storm started, I thought of her, and I sent her a text:


And I almost did do that today. It was raining, and I held her in my arms, and I was drowning in her eyes. So there wasn't a field of grass; we were hiding under the games in the playground, and I didn't kiss her, or tell her I love her; for it isn't my place to do so. But we were together, and she was in my arms, for 2 hours. For 2 hours, she was mine.
She is my love; but he is hers.
He who, in two weeks time, I shall be meeting for the first time.

Alas, this end will not be so beautiful.